How To Upgrade Your Inner Critic into Your Inner Mentor
What would you do if your harsh inner critic wasn’t holding you back?
Our inner voice can be our strongest ally, supplying us with calm, confidence, encouragement, and compassion. It can also be our worst enemy, fueling self-doubt, harsh judgment, and self-sabotage.
Our Inner Critic is the Queen of all the inner saboteurs and significantly impacts our thoughts, actions, and behaviours. It undermines our self-worth and prevents us from enjoying life and fulfilling our dreams.
It’s normal for our inner critic or critics to become louder and more intense when we want to make changes in life because they’re often driven by fear.
While it might feel challenging to release its grip on your life, you can transform it into becoming an inner mentor who’s kind, encouraging and healthy.
The 7 Different Inner Critics
Psychologists Jay Earley and Bonnie Weiss have identified seven potential Inner Critic styles that can affect our confidence and well-being. Each style has its patterns of self-doubt and self-sabotage. I’ve experienced all of these patterns at various points in my life.
You might find that you identify with more than one. Which patterns do you identify with the most?
The Perfectionist:
This inner critic sets very high standards and can be too hard on us when we make mistakes. It makes us feel inadequate, anxious, and uncertain about ourselves.
The Taskmaster:
The Taskmaster is similar to the Perfectionist but focuses on getting things done. It pushes us to work too hard and forget about our needs and our well-being.
The Inner Controller:
This inner critic wants to be in control of everything and everyone. To avoid uncertainty, it creates strict rules and routines.
The Guilt Tripper:
The Guilt Tripper makes us feel guilty and ashamed about past mistakes. It prevents us from forgiving ourselves and moving forward.
The Destroyer:
The Destroyer is very harsh and can make us feel worthless and hopeless. It attacks our self-confidence and can lead to depression.
The Underminer:
The Underminer quietly sabotages our efforts to grow and succeed. It makes us doubt ourselves and prevents us from taking risks.
The Molder: The Molder wants us to fit into a specific mould or image based on what others think. It makes us feel like we're not being true to ourselves.
The Inner Critic is Driven by Fear.
The critical inner voice is often fear-based. It manifests as a voice of self-doubt, self-criticism, and negativity that stems from underlying fears, core beliefs and insecurities. (I share more about core beliefs here)
It exaggerates perceived flaws and shortcomings, magnifying fears and insecurities to the point where it can paralyse your personal growth and happiness.
Such as these :
Fear of Failure:
The fear of not meeting expectations or falling short of goals can lead to self-criticism and a harsh inner dialogue that undermines confidence and motivation.
Fear of Rejection:
The fear of being judged, criticised, or rejected by others can fuel the inner critic's voice, leading to feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt.
Fear of Success:
Surprisingly, the fear of success can also contribute to the critical inner voice. Fear of the unknown, fear of change, or fear of the responsibilities that come with success can all manifest as self-sabotaging thoughts and behaviours.
Fear of Uncertainty:
Uncertainty about the future or fear of the unknown can amplify the inner critic's voice, leading to overthinking, anxiety, and indecision.
Fear of Not Being Enough:
Deep-seated feelings of unworthiness or inadequacy can fuel the inner critic's relentless attacks, reinforcing negative self-perceptions and undermining self-esteem.
Recognising and challenging this fear-based inner dialogue is essential in fostering self-compassion, building resilience, and cultivating a more positive self-image. More tips on how later.
Where does the Inner Critic Come From?
The Inner Critic can stem from many places, our past, what others expect of us, and what we believe about ourselves. Other factors can also fuel our critical inner voice, such as:
Past Experiences:
Adverse events, traumas, or harsh words from the past can stick with us and shape how we think about ourselves. This can lead to self-doubt and negative thinking.
Comparing Ourselves:
When we constantly compare ourselves to others, we can feel like we're not good enough. This can fuel our critical inner voice and make us feel bad about ourselves.
High Expectations:
Having super high standards can make us too hard on ourselves. We might fear making mistakes or not meeting these high expectations, which can lead to self-criticism.
Outside Pressures:
Messages from society, family, and friends can influence how we think about ourselves. These messages can make us feel like we need to be perfect or achieve certain things to be worthy.
Not Being Kind to Ourselves:
When we're not kind or understanding towards ourselves, we can be too hard on ourselves. This can make our critical inner voice even louder.
Feeling Overwhelmed:
When we feel stressed or overwhelmed, our critical inner voice can get louder, too. We might start to doubt ourselves and think negative thoughts.
Unmet Emotional Needs:
When we don't feel seen, heard, or loved, we can feel worthless or not good enough. This can contribute to our critical inner voice.
By looking at what drives our critical inner voice, we can start to change our negative thinking patterns, be kinder to ourselves, and have a more supportive inner dialogue.
Why You Might Not Notice Your Inner Critic
Your inner critic might be a recognisable ongoing presence in your life. It might come and go in waves or even be invisible to the conscious mind. Here are a few reasons why you might not notice your inner critic:
It’s On Autopilot:
Your inner critic can be sneaky, hiding in thoughts and beliefs that pop up without you even realising it. These thoughts might feel so familiar that you don't recognise them as self-criticism or negativity. I share more about (how to rewire automatic negative thoughts here)
You’re Used to it:
If you've been self-critical for a long time, you might think it's just a regular part of your inner dialogue. You might even think it helps you improve or stay motivated. But that doesn't mean it's not hurting you.
It’s a Coping Strategy for Stress:
Some people use self-criticism to deal with stress, anxiety, or feeling bad about themselves. They might not realise how harmful this coping strategy is until someone points it out.
Biases Affect Your Thinking:
Our brains can play tricks on us, like making us focus on the negative or only seeing what confirms our worst fears. These biases can make us more self-critical without us even realising it. I share more about our negative core beliefs here.
You’re Protecting Yourself:
Defence mechanisms like denial or repression might be used to avoid uncomfortable feelings or thoughts. This can make it hard to see how your inner critic affects you.
You’re Externally Focused:
Sometimes, you might be too busy dealing with external stressors or challenges to notice how your inner critic impacts your thoughts, feelings, and behaviours.
Cultural and Social Pressures:
The world around us often emphasises achievement, success, and perfection. This can make it harder to recognise and challenge your inner critic.
Why Is the Inner Critic There?
The Inner Critic was created by us unconsciously, often in childhood, as a form of protection from failure, rejection, or disappointment. But in most cases, it stays with us into adulthood because we haven't found other ways to feel safe. There’s a hidden belief that it’s still helpful. It can show up in these ways:
Self-Protection:
The Inner Critic might try to protect you from things that could go wrong, whether they're real or imagined. It thinks that by preparing for mistakes, you can avoid feeling bad.
Motivation:
Sometimes, the Inner Critic can push you to do better and try harder. It thinks that's how you'll succeed and feel good about yourself.
Maintaining Standards:
The Inner Critic often uses rules and expectations from others to measure yourself. It thinks that's how you'll fit in and feel good about who you are.
Avoiding Vulnerability:
Criticising yourself can be a way to avoid feeling weak or open to hurt. The Inner Critic thinks that by pointing out your flaws, it can shield you from what others might say.
Maintaining Control:
The Inner Critic might try to control you or your surroundings. It thinks that by being strict and perfect, it can keep you safe from uncertainty.
Protecting Self-Image:
The Inner Critic can try to protect how you see yourself. It thinks that by criticising you first, it can keep you from feeling bad about yourself if others criticise you.
Even though the Inner Critic tries to help, it usually has the opposite effect. Too much self-criticism can make you feel inadequate, anxious, or depressed and hold you back from growing and being happy. Understanding why your Inner Critic is there and being kind to yourself can create a more supportive and balanced way of thinking.
How to Transform Your Inner Critic into Your Inner Mentor
Using the Unconscious Mind and Body is a lasting way to upgrade the Inner Critic into a supportive, intuitive inner Mentor. Then, your efforts using your Conscious mind will be easier.
Most people begin logically working on the Symptoms of the Inner Critic. Although it’s a good starting point, it takes consistent effort, practice, patience and time to build the muscle. It also doesn’t transform the root causes.
Understanding your Critical Inner voice and what it’s trying to help you with gives you the power to begin detaching its hold over you. Here are examples of how to use the Conscious Mind, Unconscious Mind and Body to help.
Using the Conscious Mind (5% of our mind):
Be Aware:
Start by becoming aware of your inner critic’s impact on your thoughts and actions.
Notice when the inner critic shows up and how it affects your inner conversations.
Whose Voice Is It?
Think about where your inner critic’s voice comes from. Is it from past experiences, outside influences, or beliefs you’ve adopted?
Understand that your inner critic’s voice may not be yours but a mix of messages from different sources: Parents, Caregivers, and People in Authority.
Know Its Intentions:
Explore why your inner critic says what it does. Is it trying to protect, motivate, or set specific standards?
Realise that while the inner critic may have started as a form of protection, its methods might not be helpful anymore.
Acknowledge Your Feelings:
Name and accept the feelings that arise when your inner critic speaks up. Understand that all feelings are valid, even if they aren’t seen as positive.
Allow yourself to feel without judging or criticising yourself.
Design Your Ideal Inner Mentor:
Imagine the tone of voice and language your inner mentor will use. The supportive voice that’s wise, encouraging, safe, and uplifting. Imagine it keeping firm boundaries against the inner bully. Start listening to it.
Embrace self-compassion to counter inner criticism. Treat yourself as you would a friend or family member facing challenges. Ironically, we would (hopefully) never speak to people we like and love or to strangers the way we talk to ourselves.
Use self-compassion tools, like Dr. Kristin Neff’s Self-Compassion Test, to identify the areas in which you can start building your self-acceptance muscle.
Reframe Thoughts:
Challenge the truth of what your inner critic says by replacing it with facts and a rational view.
Sort out what’s true from what’s not by objectively evaluating your inner critic’s criticisms and replacing negative thoughts with balanced views.
These examples of reframes validate the inner critic’s concerns while challenging its negative thoughts. They encourage self-compassion, strength, and resilience, helping you create a positive inner dialogue.
Inner Critic:
"You're not good enough to start your own business or apply for that promotion. You lack the right qualifications."
Reframe:
While I may not meet all requirements, I have important experience and skills that make me a good fit. I am capable of learning and growing in this role."
2. Inner Critic:
"You should be ashamed of your body. You don't look like the women on instagram."
Reframe:
I embrace my body for its strength and resilience, valuing its unique beauty based on abilities, not appearance.
3. Inner Critic:
"You're too emotional. You need to toughen up and stop being so sensitive."
Reframe:
"My emotions are a natural part of me. They provide insights and help me connect with others. I honor and respect my feelings."
5. Inner Critic:
"You're not as successful as others. You'll never measure up."
Reframe:
I admire others' accomplishments without measuring myself against them. My journey is special, and I set my own standards for success. I take pride in my development and strive to improve continually.
4. Inner Critic:
"You're not a good mother, partner, or friend. You always fall short."
Reframe:
"I make mistakes, but I do my best with what I have. I show love and care in my own way, and that's enough."
6. Inner Critic:
"You're too old or young to pursue your dreams. It's too late or early for you."
Reframe:
"Age doesn't limit me. It's never too late or early to follow my passions. Each life stage is a chance to learn and explore."
These methods do work with practice and persistence. Depending on the root causes of your inner critic, you may have tried and struggled to maintain these ideas or break through the inner critic’s judgment.
You’re not alone. There’s a good reason for that. Using the logical thinking conscious mind, which is only 5% of our brain power, often isn’t enough to fully lessen its control and transform it.
To transform it successfully, we need to go deeper. Here’s where our body plays an important role.
2. Tapping into Emotions stored in the Body- Nervous System Level
Emotions Live in our body: Our emotions and physical sensations are closely connected. This special connection is called somatic or embodied cognition. It shows how your mind and body work together.
When we have a negative thought or experience, our body responds quickly to physical feelings like tension, tightness, or discomfort. These feelings can happen before we even realise what's going on. For example:
You might feel a knot in your stomach when you're worried about something.
Your heart might beat faster, and your muscles might tense up when you're angry or scared.
You might feel a heavy feeling in your chest when you're sad or disappointed.
Your body feels these sensations before your mind catches up.
Your brain is wired to respond quickly to emotions, even before you think logically. This means that your body can react to stress before you even realise what's happening. Many of us are disconnected from our bodies, so we might not notice this is happening.
It’s important to start paying attention to physical cues as early signs of how you're feeling. Here are some tips to begin harnessing your inner critic within the body.
Body Scan:
Practice body scan exercises from head to toe throughout the day to find areas of tension, tightness or discomfort in your body.
Notice Changes in Your Body:
Get into the habit of noticing these sensations and changes in your body in different situations and when you’re around different people.
Use these physical cues to check in with your emotions and inner state.
Connect with Your Emotions:
Practice connecting with and processing emotions stored in your body.
Allow yourself the time periodically to feel and express emotions without judgment. If they’re not expressed, they’ll find an outlet through your body in the form of unwellness.
Calm Your Nervous System:
Learn techniques to calm your nervous system and proactively feel safe when you're overwhelmed and stressed. I share a variety of Somatic tools in this blog
3. Rewiring the Unconscious Mind (95%):
Leveraging the power of the Unconscious Mind creates lasting, deeper transformation.
Imagine your mind as a computer. The conscious mind handles logical and critical thinking, but it's only the tip of the iceberg, accounting for 5% of our thoughts. The remaining 95% resides in the depths of our unconscious, like a programmable "hard drive" where all our life experiences are downloaded.
It's beyond our awareness yet constantly influencing our conscious behaviours because it's here, in our unconscious mind, that all our memories, emotions, and the core beliefs we’ve talked about are held.
Conscious Level strategies, like the positive reframe I mentioned earlier, can take a long time to transform the inner critical voice unless you’re one of the lucky few who does it quickly. The reason is that the root causes that influence the Inner Critic aren’t being resolved, only the symptoms.
I believe that to truly transform the power of the harsh inner critic and transform it into the inner mentor, we need to start with the unconscious mind which holds all the power over our mind and body. The other tools and techniques then work more effortlessly to maintain a healthy confident mind once the root causes have been resolved.
This is because emotions always overpower logical thinking.
It’s like the difference between digging out weeds from the root rather than just trimming them on the surface. A deeper, more holistic approach lays the foundation for lasting change and improved emotional health. This is where Hypnotherapy comes in. It’s a powerful tool for transforming the underlying issues influencing the inner critic. Rapid Transformational Hypnotherapy is the method I use. Here’s how it can help.
How RTT Hypnotherapy can help you transform your inner critic and unlock lasting positive change.
It helps by
Accessing Your Subconscious:
Hypnotherapy gently bypasses your conscious mind, giving you direct access to your subconscious thoughts and feelings. This is where you can uncover the roots of your beliefs, habits, and patterns, including the voice of your Inner Critic. By tapping into this inner wisdom, hypnotherapy can help you identify and rewire negative thought patterns.
Rewriting Your Story:
In a hypnotic trance, you can rewrite limiting beliefs that hold you back. Your hypnotherapist will guide you in replacing self-doubting thoughts with empowering ones, activating your Inner Mentor and gradually silencing your Inner Critic.
Deep Relaxation:
Hypnotherapy induces a profound sense of relaxation, allowing you to access deeper layers of your mind without resistance. In this calm state, you're more open to positive suggestions and insights, paving the way for inner transformation.
Letting Go of Emotional Baggage:
The Inner Critic often feeds on unresolved emotions and past traumas in your subconscious. Hypnotherapy can help you release these emotional burdens, freeing you from negative self-talk and empowering you to heal and move forward.
Cultivating Confidence:
Hypnotherapy helps create positive associations with desired behaviours, thoughts, and emotions. By anchoring these connections in your subconscious, you can build self-confidence, self-compassion, and self-worth, weakening the influence of your Inner Critic.
Gaining Clarity:
Hypnotherapy gives you deeper insights into your thoughts, feelings, and motivations. This increased self-awareness empowers you to recognise your Inner Critic, distinguish it from your authentic self, and cultivate a more nurturing inner dialogue.
Personalised Approach:
Hypnotherapy offers a highly personalised approach tailored to your unique needs and goals. Your therapist can employ techniques to address specific aspects of your Inner Critic, helping you overcome self-doubt and criticism.
Rapid transformational hypnotherapy can be a powerful tool for silencing your Inner Critic in your journey towards true inner confidence and inner peace.
By accessing your subconscious, rewriting limiting beliefs, and cultivating confidence, you can reclaim control of your thoughts and lead a more empowered life.
Who Would You Be Without Your Inner Critic?
Imagine living without the constant voice of self-criticism. You could freely explore your potential, take risks, and pursue your passions without worrying about judgment or failure. This would help you become more compassionate towards yourself and others, bringing inner peace and fulfilment.
Dealing with your Inner Critic may seem harsh, but you can turn it into a positive inner mentor by being aware of it and resisting its influence.
Hypnotherapy can speed up this process. You will uncover the reasons behind your Inner Critic, identify its various forms, and rewire the root causes to eliminate its impact. Taking control of your thoughts can stop them from holding you back and draining your energy.
Remember, your Inner Critic doesn’t define who you are; it's like an overprotective parent who is overly cautious and is trying desperately to keep you safe. But its purpose needs to be reset so that it becomes a friendlier ally.
If you are ready to embrace the positive changes brought by rapid transformational hypnotherapy and begin your journey to liberate yourself from self-doubt and criticism, I would be delighted to help you. Find out more about Rapid Transformational Hypnotherapy here.
Hi, I’m Maria
I help busy professional women understand and transform the underlying reasons for their self-sabotaging patterns, fears, and overwhelm. Together, we unlock True Inner Confidence.
I'm a Clinical Hypnotherapist in Rapid Transformational Therapy™—a Mindset and Confidence Coach and certified in Somatic Trauma-Informed Coaching.
If you’re interested in a free introduction call to see if we would be a good fit, click below